
You shouldn't cancel Doctor appointment , to come to the house to collect some items , or materials That your father believe he could save. Your hand, you're pain, your Doctor appointment , was more important then any item you need to collect from the house before I leave. You cannot be forced all the time to do what your father think , or what your mother need.
You need to be free, to do what you really want in life, and you should take care of yourself in the right way. Missing your Doctor appointment Losing more than 200 for a train ticket, to collect any items from the house, It's not have the same value as going to your Doctor to ease your hand pain.
Life it's not about items, life is about feeling safe around your family, feeling strong , what's the love of your family, When your sister or your mother or your father love you they do their best to take care of you. You should never belittle any effort you do.
 What you did yesterday was exceptionally brave, for a young man to come all away , take the train for more than 4 hours, I wish it was just to check on your mother but technically it was to follow your father idea of saving items worth saving.
Saving a woman my age who live alone, who has no family add more value to your father, than collecting materials. All his life he looked at objects or money in a different way then the way I see things.
 It is not about right or wrong, it is not about me and him any more, it's about you and your sister.
Life give you joy when you give her patient, wisdom, and the will to fight back and be strong on what you do.
I'm so sad I don't have the power to compensate your father for the years he lost with me maybe if I had money, he had bean a happier man, I'm not going to put that pressure on you. hopefully sooner I can give him what he need to change his life to big smiley face.
I am here trying to do the best I can , to have a career and have a job because I care for you and your sister. I also care about compensate your father for the years he lost with me I don't think he ever loved me or cared for me, also towards the end he lost respect for me.
Please when you want to see me next time , only come because you want to see me ,or because you miss me , or you just want to take care of me. I'm ever so grateful that you have travelled to help me moving, and save what need to be saved materials.
I wish you have a place in your heart to save the love you have for your mum, or technically what left from it.
You said to me I'm a very controlling , argumentative person and there was very little moments of joy in your life that you lived with me.
You said That's when we talk every visit ,you feel sad or disappointed. You said there is no point of talking or building a bridge to make relationships better or peaceful, between me and you and your sister.
You said also talking does not change anything , that you don't accept me as your Mum, as my character it's not forgiving or compassion or reasonable to you and your sister.
I wish you reconsider your decision, and your sister, that's a misconception of putting a label in any person and make that label permanent, it's not right, and it’s not logical or fare, please reconsider. Study my case again. even in your logical mind, or preferably in your heart
Your sister studied law, and she knows what is fair, you cannot deny any human being, from being in contact with his own children, thinking that person is not good, so he has no rights.
You cannot deny a woman my age from holding your hand, or making you breakfast, or having lunch with you, and your sister, even once a week, just because you think my character is controlling, or I’m not able to make you happy, one act of random kindness. When you choose your father to live with, probably you choose security, probably you think that I cannot take care of you , as I don’t have secured income, it is very important for a young man to survive, is to feel safe , loved and respected by his parents.
But having mum and dad who loves that young man, it's very important in his life . When you delete one of your parents, or say they're not good, it's better to be away from them, Incorrect approach.
You cut one piece from your heart and through it a way to the river, and you think life will keep going fine.
Being a healthy, peaceful in harmony, inside and outside is more important than you think.
Your ultimate goal should be your way off thinking ,Why do I care for my parents , what they can do to me and what did they fail to do.
It's very hard sometimes when we are twenty years old, to see life with wider perspective,
I know you're smart, I know your patient , I know you have love in your heart , for your friends, for your sister, for your mum , for your dad .
I know you are a kind man, I know you came yesterday to collect items from the house because your father want to save them from being bended by the landlord.
Did your father say you need to save your mum from being bended by the Landlord.? I wonder?
Did your father say to you, you should not leave your mum alone , you and your sister? I wonder?! should you stand by your mother while she's building a career to take care of you.
Did your father say you should work and take care of your mum? Do you think it's incorrect to hold your mum's hand , or support any family member if you can.
Do you think that helping someone else, or family member. it's not your responsibility in life.
What do you think about life? Do you think me asking you for help, making me feel Safe???!! No. I never wanted to ask for help, every time I ask for ten pound from you or your father, it's because I needed that ten pound.
Not having enough income , not having someone to rely on, is very hard feeling, maybe if I had a father ,a brother , an uncle , sister, husband or anyone I would not ask you for help , but how ?!!! You are my son ....
It's not easy for someone to go on in life , without having someone to lean on.
I work since I was 15 years old, I never stopped helping my family , I always tried, when I can, I always gives what I have to people around me.
I don't see life as fancy, luxury, or wanted expensive way of living, just wanted to feel safe around my family which was you and your sister and your father. I have never felt safe around your father, If I tried to succeed in life, and I failed, at least I keep trying , all I want is to do something for you and your sister, and to believe in your heart that your mum is worth it. If I tried and I failed, at least I’m still trying.
When you said to me that your sister, had travelled to Germany to see her friend, did you ask her if she travelled from Birmingham to see her mum.
Does the years I spend with you and your sister meant anything to you???!!! . I wonder
Having a fixed, permanent judgement on someone , and labelling that woman, your own Mum, in a black-list prohibited person , is not right or fare, saying my mum should be lift alone because she is not good enough for me, is morally wrong.
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I don't want you to feed me, or wash me , or take care of me , if it’s not coming out from your heart to go to the kitchen and make me a cup of tea, I don't want this tea from you.
All I want is to see my kids, and talk to them, when I can, when they are able , showing love to me it's more valuable than items in the house.
Holding someone's hand when is vulnerable, is very rewarded In this life and the afterlife . God see your heart , If your mum or dad born poor, or economically not strong enough, It doesn't mean you delete one of them and go on with your life.
Finding the balance between security ,money, and care and love, it means a lot in family relationships and feelings towards them .
You said to me you enjoy playing games online with your mates , because that's your social life and that's what you like to do, and even if you get a job ,or you have a family, that will continue be your hobby, because that's what you like to do. I respect your choice in life, why cannot you, and your father, and your sister , respect my choice in life .
I have never felt safe or secure around your father. I have been running for income support all my life, I never asked you father for gold or diamond, just wanted to feel safe.
You said to me you are happy living far away from me, I don't know how could you not remember what I did for you and your sister.
The fact that you offered me to help me to move out it's very kind, but you never saw where I will go , you left me in court standing with your father, have you ever asked your father why my mum wanted to divorce you? Have you ever tried to think why I walked away from the marriage after 20 years???!!!. Maybe you don't care, maybe you don't want to know, but you choose to live with your father, that's fine by me, he give you security , but shouldn't I have time with you and your sister once a week ? You decided to move to Birmingham without even saying Goodbye. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
You didn't say, Dad  but I cannot move to Birmingham, because that mean I will never see my mum again.
Did you and your sister think of your mum?, when you had moved to Birmingham?!!! did your sister when she moved to Germany think of her mum.
I don't mean to put any pressure on you, I have to come to terms to respect your decision , and just walk away, but please when I ask to see you, just try to come to see me for me, not for anything else, tell your father when we die We don't take anything with us but our good deeds. You only take with you love, care and good deeds.
Any mistake we make in life can be rectified, tell your father to make peace in his heart ,and when I have money I'll give you money because that's the only thing he want in life to feel he got paid for his work 20 years , for his efforts to be a father. He won't to get back the price of that. He said to me once, you should be grateful I’m still supporting your kids.
When you give love from your heart , you don't need to get paid for it , when he gave from his heart he doesn't need pay back ,but I will in shaa Allah Give him back the money I owed him.
You are my son ,You should allow me to take care of you.
You should allow me to be around you, even once a week. You should not deny me the right to hear your voice, please tell your sister one day she's going to stand in front of God, and I will ask her ,why she didn't speak to me for two years, why she didn't take care of me , She's 22 she's my daughter and she should call to ask about me. All I ask is have the right to see my children, in my old age , once a week ,even for a meal, even just to hear their voice say, hello mum.
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