Laila, The Queen of Shiba

She cared about her people, she cared from her heart for everyone , she was smart, talented and she was kind to all of them. She believed in herself, and in her people. She believed she can make it a much better place for all. She used to draw very nice pictures, put them in frames, hang them to the wall .

She used to invest in knowledge, learning, and she was perfectionist, she like everything to be perfect and in good working order. She tried to make people see, or learn or improve but no one listened to her. No one was able to comprehend how talented she is.

She was passionate about life, about open people eyes and make them aware, of what they are capable of, and trying to encourage the creativity and make a balance and their life. But no one listened to her. She was ahead of her time, every advice she made, was the best advice, and in the correct place, with the adequate amount. But no one listen to her.

 She woke up one day and her decision was, leave everything behind, very hard decision, but she made it, and she's gone now.

 She's not going to come back, she left everything behind, she didn't look back, she walked away like a Princess, who is cleaning the dust from her dress.

 So every person was just a small dust in her dress. So she cleaned the dress, and she walked away, she didn't even look back, she was a queen of shiba.

She was very beautiful, have warm feelings to her people, when she hugged you, or give you her blessing as a queen, you feel overwhelmingly happy, safe, and have energy for tomorrow. She was sweet, talented, and kind to everyone, she left her Kingdom, the streets are empty now, and the people cannot even breathe. She was the sunshine and the moon light, in a dark night. Now the sun is gone, she was the queen of shiba.

I don't think she realise how important, or the impact of, her holding my hand in my life. I don't think she knew that she's my friend, my best advisor, and my daughter. I don't think she knew that without her support, love, respect, and everything else she offered me, I cannot survive. She used to monitor me as a taxi driver in the Google map, all night, to make sure I'm safe and to see my location, and she didn't sleep till I come back home. Even my own husband, or my son didn’t do that.

 She was everything to me, and the day she decided to let go of my hand, it was the hardest day in my life. I ran away like crazy to the airport, took an aeroplane, to her friends house in Germany, I just wanted to ask her to give me a chance or to hear me out, or just being able to come back home. She left me at the door of her friends house, and she send a clear message with the mother, “ she's not interested to see you”, you can just go back for now, or we have to call the police to remove you out. So I was not allowed to see my daughter after 12 hours shift and 4 hours travel , airport and train, I was left at the door in a shock.

 I used to believe I am passionate about life, I used to believe that my love for my kids, if it comes out from my heart, it should definitely reach their hearts.

 I was wrong all away, nothing I did had any meanings to my children, from the little things in the house chores, to the maximum I can do physically as I always work night shift, nothing was worth It , so by being forced to do a taxi job for five years, I have lost my kids.

On my way, I also lost my relation 100% with my husband. So everything I calculated, every dream I planned, everything I thought I am capable to achieve, have failed miserably.

 I still saw one candle with light, when I looked in my daughter's eye. Sadly she didn't feel the same way, she had needs, she needed her Mum to hold her hand, she needed a true friend or a sister. I couldn't be there for her, my 60 hours shift denied me any rights, to have any wife role in the house, or a mother role in my kids life. So technically being a taxi driver made me fail, my role as a Mum towards my daughter and my son.

 This is serious talking from the heart, this is a message for every woman , or a man out there, trying to make a living or support his kids economically.

Family is everything, don't lose yourself on the way to provide for your family. Don't lose your relation with your kids or partner just because life is getting tougher or harder on you. Because once you lose them, it's very hard to get them back to love you, or see you as any value in their life.

I really miss you sweetheart. I hope you could read my messages, I don't know where you live, you don't answer any  of my emails, or try to call me to say Hello Mum.

 I just want to add one last thing, I really love you, I respect your decision, and I miss your wisdom and advice about life. and the cinnamon cake used to bake at home.

Say hello to your friends that she managed to replace your mother role, or space in your life. Tell your friend, last time she visited my home, I looked her in the eye and I said to her, if you are a true friend to my daughter, make peace between me and my daughter. I said to her please help me,  but I think she was not interested.

So if you are able to read this message please give Mum a call. I love you, and I miss you.

You were really, the sunshine in my life. It is the truth and if you find any room in your heart, to give me a call,  even if you don't want to see me, just want to hear your voice,

“Hello Mum”.