
The day which left a mark on my life, and my kids’ life. Today I have realised that my daughter was right all the time, the day I have seen that look in her eye that her mom does not really belong here, that her mom does not mean that much to her. I was standing at UK airport waiting for a flight to Hamburg airport, I asked my daughter if she would like to have a hot drink, and if she can bring me coffee, she said no, not interested. She was nineteen at the time, and her brother was seventeen and for the first time of my life I have felt complete defeat. For the first time I have seen that look in my kids’ eyes. I always thought I could control everything around me, I always believed capable of protecting my family and taking my kids to safety. I was wrong all the way, here I am 56 years old woman, looking at my two teenagers’ eyes and I do not see any reflection of love or respect. Six months ago, before that date 15 of December 2022, my daughter met a young woman online while she was gaming, the last 12 months she took a decision to take break between graduation and university. I bought a ticket for her and her brother to go and stay with her friends for two weeks and attend a concert in January with her new friend. I have decided to join them, to meet the girl and make sure they are OK in her house. I have rented quick accommodation at the airport as I couldn't has a key of the pre booked accommodation I have prepared in advance for this two weeks journey, I have met the girl and her mom and my daughter decided to go with the girl and her mother with my son in their car and they left me in the airport. My ex-husband offered me to book one night in the hotel in the airport and come back next morning. I could not do that because we did not end up the marriage in a good term, and I already book the accommodation for two weeks to stay with my kids. Nothing I did had any value at the moment, nothing I did was worth it. The woman left me in the airport knowing there is no bus from Hamburg to Flensburg, there is no train, and I could not at midnight take a taxi for such a long distance, it is 158.6 miles, which is 2 hours driving in a private car. So I stayed at the airport trying to ask where is the bus stop, when I finally took a taxi to the bus stop, he told me the first bus will be in six hours, I have met a young man he was paramedic and he noticed I'm shaking from the cold temperature, and he advised me that my clothes is needs to be warmer, and I have to keep walking to feel warm. He was waiting for the bus to go to his work, I was not shaking from the cold only, but also from seeing my daughter and my son walking away in the car was that woman and the girl, they did not even look back to their mom to say goodbye. I could not do the steps of the bus so the young paramedic lift me up in the bus I was frozen like a piece of wood, and I could not stop crying. The landlord of the accommodation met me to give me the key, and show me the place, he asked me why I am here I told him my daughter is meeting her friend for the first time and I wanted to meet the girl. He could not leave me as I was not in a very good stage, and he offered me to make me any hot drink. I slept I do not know for how long, I tried to get warm, but my heart was cold. For the first time I have seen so much ice on the roads and so much ice in my relationship with my kids. I called them to come and see me and make me some food or soup. I told them I need to see the woman. I need to look in her eye and ask her why she left me at the airport, knowing there is no bus till next morning at 6:00 AM. When the woman came to the house as she does not speak very good English, her daughter was translating between me, and my daughter and my son was at the door watching everything. The woman raised her middle finger at my face, telling me why should I ask for help she does not know me, and she has no obligation to help me she just receiving my kids in her house to meet their new friend. When I saw the middle finger raised in my face, I had another shock. I looked at my daughter, no reaction, she used to defend me and say to me mom, do not be naïve, stand up for yourself, don't let people walk all over you, you have to defend yourself among your colleagues at work or people in your taxi. She made me realise that day, that I was completely broken like a glass, I believed that day I will never be repaired again, are used to think as my kids are my life, that I am important to them, and they will never let go of my hand. My daughter is a young woman and she believed the her mom is not worth it to her, she said to me why you treating me that way, you never approve my friends, you never approve any decision I make in life, and I felt she needs to break away from my authority as her mom. And of course, her brother had the same opinion as his sister. So here I am in a cold country was a health condition, staying on the accommodation that my daughter did not approve, she felt the accommodation is lower standard then what she need, and she refused to stay with me and her brother. So, I decided to go back to UK I did not know how to go to the train station. I could not book a private taxi as they do not speak English. I did not really know what to do, I just walked to the street and try take a taxi to the train station. Finally, I was at the station freezing temperature, freezing heart and when I went to the airport I stayed 12 hours for the next flight. My kids did not call me, and when I came back to UK, I tried to drive my taxi and keep working. I thought when my daughter come back, we can have a family meeting, or reconciliation and move on. It did not happen that way, as my daughter never came back. She stayed in Flensburg January and February, I offered her to bring her friends to UK to stay in our home, maybe I can fix the relation between me and my daughter by getting to know the girl and try to understand their perspective. Everything was too late, when my daughter came back, she was a different young woman who does not want her mom in her life, because her mom it is not really worth it. The girl came to my house, and she stayed for more than three months, and they made sure I do not talk to my daughter anymore or see her, they made sure they wake up only when I leave the house going to work. I decided to have a meeting with the girl in the garden. I said to her if you are true friend to my daughter, you should make peace between her and her mom, making peace showing love and respect is a very nourishing feeling between family members specially a mom and her daughter. I've never seen so much cold eyes in any human being as I did see in that girls eyes, later on I knew she's under depression medication and she's 24 years old, which is five years older than my daughter, but that was my daughter choice, this young friend was better choice than her mom in her life. So technically I had to let go of my daughter and I cried in that meeting. Such a simple story, but so powerful to me, that made me realise, that my daughter was right, I am too naive to defend myself. I used to believe I am strong, but maybe strong people can be broken easier than flexible people. Still love my daughter, I still miss her, but she does not talk to me anymore, she just walks away from my life, without turning her back to see if I am OK. I really hope she's happy whatever she's doing in her life, maybe one day, she can see her mother differently, maybe not.

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